Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Midweek Sigh

Come on. Do it with me.

Breathe in. Hold it. Now -- breathe......out.......slowly.

Good. Didn't that feel good?

I enjoy a good sigh sometimes. It gets the oxygen into one's brain. It kind of slows you down and makes you think.

Things have seemed out of control lately at the Lilypad. Not like completely out of control, but you know. Mildly.

For one thing, there's that whole issue with the Rabbit not getting enough (or any) Willow Balls.

Is it or is it not the saddest
little face you've ever seen?

The other day I was at work, and I was telling a co-worker about my weekend. I told her that I couldn't really even recall what we did. That it just seemed like the weekend flowed by without us even realizing.

Do you know what she said to me? "Well, you do have a few things going on. Emotional things. It makes sense to me that you feel how you feel."

I thought... what? What is she talking about?

But then, I thought back.

For one thing, both the Blisschick and I are still majorly trying to come to terms with the deaths of our two beloved Kitties, Ernie and Jobie. Sure they are at Sparkle Pond in the their Sparkle Suits, but we still miss them like crazy.

Just months prior to Ernie's death, my Grandmother passed away under less than comfortable circumstances. My Grandmother was a Very Important Person to me. She was Important to the development of my Soul. Losing her was so hard, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm still pretty clueless.

I thought she would come to me in my dreams. And then she didn't. A couple of years passed. I finally had my first dream of her just a few weeks ago, and that dream dredged up some old feelings I realized I hadn't gotten around to yet.

Stupid feelings!! :)

And then, this summer started off with the deaths of two friends. First Susan; then, Ken.

Now, as I write this, my Grandfather is getting very close to his Sparkle Suit. At age 93, he is tired and finding it difficult to recover from a recent broken hip and resulting hip surgery.

Of course, we also have our share of family drama, home drama, and friend drama to add to this. One thing that I've been dealing with in particular (or trying to) is an issue I didn't even really know I had until recently:

I am EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED! WHAT? Who knew. (Well, the Blisschick knew apparently.)

But, it's totally true.

The point of all of this is to say that I think I feel a little lost right now. A little taxed. A little tired. Like I need a vacation, but not the kind where you leave the house and have to go away from your Mammals.

I guess what I need from you is suggestions. What do you do when you feel this way?

Miss Zoe, of course, knows exactly what to do. But she's not talkin'.

See what I mean?
It's up to You to help me.


Emma said...

This is a lot of major stuff you are processing!

Maybe Zoe is holding out on the Wisdom until she gets some willow balls? Or maybe she just knows these are things we have to figure out for ourselves...

I'm not sure what ideas to share. I think it's probably time to start listening carefully to what you're feeling. Since you didn't quite realize all you are dealing with, that may indicate you're cut off from what's going on in there. (This has happened to me many times. Todd will tell me I've been stressed or withdrawn for a while and I'll be like: Huh? I have?)

Are you doing your boxing?

If you want to talk about any of this stuff, you know you can email me in as much exhausting detail as you like!

Anonymous said...

I agree, I reckon if you cough up (pun truly intended given recent illness) a few fresh willow balls, Miss Zoe miught start talking.

Wanted to share with you and Zoe a very interesting guided visualisation one of my Wise Voices told me to do once. It was very powerful and I've used it several times since.

Basically the idea is... when you're not sure what's going on with yourself, but you know there's stuff going on... find a spot to lie down undisturbed and get very comfortable.

Cushions, pillows, blankets - whatever makes you feel perfectly comfy & safe. Safe is important.

Then - close your eyes and allow your 'vision' to travel inwards. Almost like your eyeballs are going on a little journey through your body.

Let them look, and seek out any parts of you that need attention. You'll know soon enough where that is! Then, let Little Marcy make contact (she'll find you if you don't find her first). And ask Little Marcy to show you what hurts.

The rest is up to you. Let it flow, let whatever needs to come up just float to the top. You might be quite surprised OR it could be just an excellent way to release stuff you know needs to be released.

In any case, this method is something I've found to be very useful and powerful. If you choose to give it a go, I hope it provides you with whatever you need.


Kavindra said...

You are one of the dearest people I do not know and I am truly sorry to hear you are so out of sorts.

It is an awful lot to deal with all at once.

I wish I had Zoe's wisdom and had a really good idea for you.

Since I don't tho, I have 2 ideas. Ever tried freewriting in your journal? Just write for 3 pages whatever crazy or mundane thoughts pop into your head. Sometimes in the midst of that you get to real deep feelings that you weren't even aware of, and up and out they come.

The other thing I do is if I feel icky but am not crying is I go to see a tear jerker movie, or rent one I already know will make me cry. It sounds counterintuitive to make yourself cry, but tears have all sorts of chemicals and stuff that actually clear your body and brain out. (Is that the worst "scientific" explanation you have ever read?)

Also, stuff that is stuck inside often responds really well to touch therapy, like Reiki or massage, as well as yoga. I have never had an emotional yoga moment during practicing alone, but there is something very powerful about a teacher leading you thru heart opening poses or the like. I'm not the only one who has had a good cry at yoga class. You could try twists or heart opening poses at home and see if it helps if you can't get to a yoga class.

But if you can find a reiki practitioner, go for it, that's my advice.

Meanwhile I keep you lovingly in my thoughts, which is about as close as I get to prayers :)

Lisa said...



You've received a lot of really good advice and ideas so far. What a great group of supportive women you have developed here!

I applaud your honesty and bravery. This is A LOT to be dealing with and its important to simply acknowledge what you're facing, as you've done here. As in AA, that's a great first step!

I echo:

~bodywork (massage)
~time in nature
~slowing down/rest
~art therapy :)
~naming the feelings (this can be helpful with repression b/c we often don't even KNOW what we're feeling when we're feeling it)
~time with a good therapist
~reaching out to help/spend time with others experiencing the same thing (the teach what you need to learn approach)
~permission to rest and just BE
~writing letters to those you miss/cared about
~take REALLY good care of yourself (exercise does wonders for working out emotional/traumatic issues)
~cry therapy
~laughter therapy
~give up the notion that you have to have it all together (I've realized lately that I've led a pretty controlled existence. Now, like children, I'm extolling the value of falling apart/throwing tantrums!)

I send you hugs of love, comfort, peace, and caring, dear one. (And to your Grandpa, too.)

linaka said...

Be secure in your truth regardless of the forms that it may take and just "be" for awhile.

I send you peace and light and comfort...but most of all I send you healing love.

Linnea said...

You have a lot of good suggestions here, and rather than echo them I offer my sympathy, empathy, and hugs. I've lost beloved people and beloved animals; it's hard, and you're dealing with a lot of it at once. When that happens, it's easy to repress; easier, perhaps, than to feel.

But those feelings always sneak up on us somehow, demanding release.

I'll light a candle for you today, and hope that since Zoe has acquired some willow balls, she'll share her wisdom.